Ponder
by K-Boo101
Summary: A sleepless night. Mikasa ponders and Levi listens. One Shot that I wrote late at night. Please review! Criticism is appreciated!


The terror, the screams and the blood…Levi let the day's events run through his mind one more time. One more time before morning, when he'd have to face his squad and act as if it never happened. _Shit._ The cold air breezed past him, sending multiple shivers down his spine. _Should've worn the damn jacket._ He made his way across the wall, his boots hitting the firm concrete slabs beneath them. Tomorrow was going to be a long day. A new battle strategy had to be crafted since Jaeger would not be a part of the next mission. The damn brat had over exerted himself _again._ His estimated recovery period was stated bluntly:

"Two weeks at least, maybe more depending on his progress."

Needless to say that the boy would be rendered useless for now. Hanji of course was ecstatic, she had more time to run tests on the young titan shifter much to Mikasa's disdain. Levi gritted his teeth. His relationship with the oriental didn't start out very smoothly. At first, the two barely interacted…even on the field, they mostly communicated through scowls and grunts, avoiding conversation all together. She was the best member of his squad…after him of course, even he couldn't deny that she had prodigious skill. The two had gotten to know one another better now, thanks to their early morning training sessions. For some reason, Levi understood her. He knew that the girl had been through hell and back…just like him and many others.

Levi scanned his surroundings, taking in the scene before him; large trees loomed ahead, branches intertwined with one another creating a beautiful abstract knot. He was never one to appreciate art, but the view was quite breathtaking. His serene expression soon turned into a hard scowl: _how many of those damn titans are hiding in there._ Hiding? More like prowling. His thoughts wandered again…there had been a significant death count today. More than 50 had lost their lives during another failed mission. 50 brave souls were no more…all because… _No they didn't die in vain. They fought with honour and they will be rewarded._ His thoughts were interrupted by a glimpse of red. There. That _hideous_ scarf. If there was one thing that Levi had in common with Mikasa Ackerman, it was the fact that the two were notorious for being insomniacs. Her hair had grown out past her shoulders over the past 4 years since he'd saved her from the Female Titan. She chose to not cut it…probably to prove that she didn't dote on her brothers every word anymore. Which was true, she'd learnt to give him his space. She would only step in if necessary, the same could be noted during battle. Levi wondered if it was that talk he had with her a few months after the brats were assigned to his squad:

"Just let the damn brat _breathe_ Ackerman.' He had told her.

She had grown into an entirely different person, Levi noted. She still possessed her stoic tendencies, but she had learnt to open up and trust her squad mates. Sasha and Christa were now her best friends…she'd even gotten closer with Jean. Levi smirked, the red head was still trying to win her affection. Mikasa was still oblivious to his feelings, but his blunders always proved to be a good source of comic relief for the entire battalion. He and Mikasa had also come to an understanding, their conversations were more civil and there wasn't any involvement of fists and harsh words. The two had built a relationship on knowing that they carried the burden of being strong. Levi was glad that he didn't need to worry about who would take his place. Mikasa would be the best and only candidate. Her spirit and will rivaled that of his own. She was an excellent choice. Hanji and Erwin often remarked about how he had a soft spot for her. He denied it of course. He didn't know what he felt for the girl, what he did know however was that he had come to care for her…perhaps he felt something more than just friendship for the oriental. But she was still was infuriating, always questioning and disobeying protocol and in the process, his orders. He watched has her hair moved with the wind gently, she stared ahead with a blank expression, her legs dangling limply over the edge of the wall. Levi made his way over to her, meeting her at odd hours of the night was no longer as awkward as it used to be. The two had become accustomed to these encounters, relishing the unspoken words between them. Sometimes, they'd come across one another in the kitchen where Levi would be brewing his tea. If he was in a good mood, he'd offer her a cup and she would politely decline settling for a glass of water instead. He took a seat next to her, swinging one leg over the ledge as he brought the other towards his chest and laid a casual arm over it. Mikasa didn't move and inch but acknowledged his presence. The two took in the view together, ears perking up at the sound of crickets chirping and the blatant hoot of an owl.

"I came here to ponder over something." Mikasa noted. Levi craned his neck to look at her. He saw the dark circles under her eyes that mirrored his own. The day had taken a significant toll on her. Turning his head back to the trees, he replied:

"Do tell."

"There's a soldier I see every morning. He's always alone. Never speaks to anyone. I don't think I've ever seen him in battle either." She tugged at her scarf, pulling it away from her neck and bringing it down so that she could twiddle the lose strands of threads with her forefingers. She continued:

"He always looks scruffy. Unkempt."

Levi found himself trying to pin point the identity of the soldier she was talking about. He tried his hardest to stray from dirt and the soldier in question was someone Levi would try hard to avoid if he knew him.

"I met him on the battlefield today." Levi narrowed his eyes. She was talking about someone she didn't know, but the way she was speaking gave the impression that she knew him, had some sort of relationship with him. It was evident that Mikasa was observing this man with baffled interest. He understood that in a world such as theirs, soldiers had nothing to rely on but their teammates. They served as your backbone, your sole comfort…but as Mikasa noted, this man was 'always alone.' Needless to say, Levi was interested as to where this was going. He knew that he was a solitary creature himself, so was Mikasa but the two had friends that they could count on: Hanji, Erwin, Eren and Armin as well as their squad mates. They weren't truly 'alone.' He heard Mikasa take a deep breath, out of the corner of his eye, he saw her close her eyes momentarily.

"It was a 12 meter. I wanted to save him. I could've saved him. But he had this look in his eyes that said 'let me die.' He was pleading for it, begging for it. So I let him. I did it because that was what he wanted. He had this pitiful painful look in his eyes, like he'd been suffering for too long and he just wanted it to end…even if it meant a horrible death."

Levi listened intently, taking in every word. He glanced at his second, she was wearing a loose shirt over dark pants, her feet were covered with the same boots she wore day after day, mission after mission. Her scarf laid in her lap limply. She had a distant look in her eyes, her silence meant that it was time for him to speak. He didn't know what he was supposed to say. He knew that she was feeling a slight slither of guilt even though she set this man free.

"He was just one man in a sea of 50. Don't feel guilty over setting a man free." He replied sharply.

Mikasa shifted her body sideways, facing him. She crossed her legs, her eyes bore into his with a look that he knew too well. She lowered her gaze to the scarf on her lap. The stars made her grey eyes sparkle in the moonlit night. Her hair shielded her pale face, her mind was a cluster of thoughts…a burden Levi knew too well.

"If I let him live. I could've helped him. I'll never forget that." She whispered. Her words impacted him subtly. Levi believed strongly in fate, he didn't need to be a religious lunatic but he did believe that everything happened for a reason.

"What's done is done. Whatever pain that man was going through, it's over now. It was his choice, not yours." He tried to ease her worrying, he didn't want her to be overcome with guilt. He'd learnt about the consequences the hard way. The chirping of the crickets seemed to grow louder with every passing minute. Finally he spoke again:

"Look Ackerman, you can't beat yourself up over every death that comes your way on the field. Those men and women took an oath that stated that they would give their lives in this fight. They didn't die in vain, if anything they've pushed our fight further. They've given us something to fight for."

She raised her head to look at him. Her Captain…she even looked at him as her _friend._ It was hard to believe that this was the very man she wanted to kill after she witnessed Eren's brutal beating in that court room on that fateful day. This was his way of comforting her. He was right. She couldn't think about that now, not with so much at stake. A small smile ghosted her lips as he looked at her, his eyes reassured her that it was okay to forget. Face to face, they let themselves be vulnerable for just a moment.

"You know my mother once told me something." Mikasa let herself remember.

"What would that be brat?" She winced. _Back to normal are we neat freak._

"I had scraped by foot on an infected rock once. I didn't tell anyone, the wound wouldn't stop bleeding no matter how much salve I applied to it. I suffered in silence."

Levi raised his eyebrows, an indication for her continue.

"My mother noticed that my sock was soaked with blood. She dragged me over to the table and sat me on top." Mikasa stopped. She hadn't talked about her mother like this in years. The last time she remembered her like this was back in Shiganshina with the Jaegers when Eren's mother remarked about how Mikasa was 'so talented with a needle and thread.' Somehow, she felt her heartbeat slow down…yet at the same time she felt a certain happiness fill her. She was happy that she let herself remember her mother. She snorted. _Here I am talking about my mother in front of the Captain of all people._

"As she tended to my foot. She wiped away my tears and said 'I understand that pain is individual Mikasa…but that doesn't mean that you have to overcome it individually.'"

Levi's eyes widened. Mrs. Ackerman had a valid point. Her reasoning hit the nail right on the head. Her words were so damn philosophical. Levi said nothing. He let himself ponder over that small statement. He broke out of his reverie when he heard a slight chuckled beside him. He turned his head to look at Mikasa whose chuckle had now transcended into a pleasant soft laugh. He stared, struck by her actions. Mikasa Ackerman was _laughing._ Levi had only ever seen the girl crack a small smile…oddly, he liked the way the dimple in her cheek protruded, and there was a light in her eyes that nudged his heart. The girl had seen everything the cruel world had to offer…and yet, Levi could not ignore the small amount of innocence that radiated from her at that very moment. He was convinced, she was a riddle he couldn't solve no matter how hard he tried.

"What is it brat?" his term of endearment seemed to make her laugh harder. Regaining her composure she spoke:

"This is the first time I've ever seen you looking so clueless."

"Get over it brat."

She shook her head, her hair brushed her cheeks that had now become tinged with a rosy accent. She sighed, her mood clearly lightening up. Levi raised his head to look at the sky. It stretched far, an endless stream of darkness studded with jewel like stars. His icy eyes became illuminated with the moon, Mikasa couldn't help but stare. Those eyes were always used like daggers but right now, Mikasa noted that they had a certain sharp beauty to them.

"Full moon tonight." Levi muttered, bringing his head back to her. He watched as she glanced at the illuminated disk above them. He noticed how her eyes closed and her lips pressed together.

"Tsukimi." She whispered.

Levi greeted her with a confused brow. She rarely spoke in her mother tongue.

"It means full moon."

He nodded.

They sat for a few more moments, admiring the moon. Finally, Mikasa stood dusting her pants. Her shirt was loose, doing no justice to her well-toned figure, one that all the other female soldiers seemed to envy. Erwin himself had also talked to Levi about how Mikasa was now a prime target for all the lecherous bastards in the military. He knew that she could handle them without any problem, most men were too scared to approach her anyway.

"Coming Captain?"

He rose slowly, sparing a glance towards the looming trees in the distance. The two cut through the cold air, side by side, stoic and silent as always. They trekked forward lost in their own thoughts. Reaching the inner corridor that led to the dorms, Mikasa nodded a farewell to her Captain and continued forward to the room she shared with Sasha and Christa. That night, as he laid in bed he thought about what had just transpired…it was evident he couldn't sleep. Letting a frustrated groan escape his lips, he kicked himself off the bed, tossing the covers away. Slipping on his boots, he raked a hand through his hair… _Here's to another sleepless night._

He made his way to the kitchen, hoping a nice up of hot tea would make it easier for him to fall asleep. Pushing the door open, he froze. There before him, Mikasa Ackerman stood, pouring tea into a cup. She smiled, holding up the cup of nicely brewed tea, beckoning him forward.

"I still can't sleep." She offered her simple explanation as he pried the cup away from her hands. Taking a tentative sip, he smiled inwardly. Perfect.


End file.
